I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
