then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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