I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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