Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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