I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
