The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
