you have to choose: penises or morals?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
