seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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