Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
