dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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