Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
