Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
