Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Plan B is the new Plan A
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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