I faked an abortion last night.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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