using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
