i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
