he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
