Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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