I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
