Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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