I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize