Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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