I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
home. puking in laundry basket.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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