Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
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I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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