I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
