Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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