Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
