Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
