We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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