What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
