soooo we both peed the bed last night...
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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