i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize