Just fell off a train. Bad.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
