She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
