Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
