Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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