moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
