I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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