How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
