if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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