HIV tests are more positive than that guy
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
