You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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