I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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