How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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