A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
