at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
