The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
