you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
