you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
