You work out of a Hotel?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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