It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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