i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
