im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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