next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
