Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
