You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize