my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
