And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
