Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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