i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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