i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
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Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
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He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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