Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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