Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
