i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
